The Fake Number Bites Back...

(This one goes out to Jamie. She shared a similar story with me.)

In high school a friend of mine thought it would be funny to encourage this guy to ask me for my number. I had no interest in him whatsoever. I was unaware that she told him to ask me, but it happened. Standing at my locker, a million things were running through my head. And when I say 'things', I mean excuses. I honestly debated giving him a number that started with 555... but he wasn't too bright, and I knew he wouldn't get the hint.

Instead, I quickly came up with a solution. I gave him the number, and smiled as I did so. He was happy. I was snickering. My friend caught up with me that day, and laughed hysterically as I told her what she caused.

"You actually gave it to him?", she asked.
"Kind of," I said. "I gave him A number to my house..."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I gave him the number to my internet phoneline. That way, it will actually dial, but it will always have a busy signal," I smirked. "By the way, thanks," I said to her.

Luckily, this happened on a Friday, so it wasn't like I had to run into the guy the next day. About a week passed, when we crossed paths in the hall. I said 'hey' and tried to keep walking. He stopped, indicating he had something more to say. I slowly stopped.

"Hey, I've been trying to call you for a while, the number is always busy," he said.
"I know, I have two sisters, and we're always on the phone," I lied. I was happy with my answer.
He looked at me, frowning. "I know you gave me your internet line."
"What?" I asked, playing dumb.
"Yeah, I heard through the grapevine..."

It soon escalated into a long, awkward silence, where I had no idea what to say. "Uhhhhhh....sorry?" I replied. He just walked away, and that was that. In the beginning, I thought it was a genius idea. I didn't think that it would come back in my face, but I soon came to the realization that I WAS in high school...

Awkward. Can you relate?

On a similar note: I found this the other day. Of course, an iPhone app sounds like the answer to getting out of an awkward situation, for sure. I am a proud owner of the iPhone, and I'm considering purchasing this. BRILLIANT.

"Sorry, you have the wrong number..."

This weekend I was waiting to get picked up to go to work, when my cellphone rings. I didn't recognize the number, so I was hesitant to pick it up, but I did. "Hello?" I say.
All I got on the other end was heavy breathing. "Hello?" I repeated.

Then, the voice says, "Fred? 'That you?" It was an older man and he sounded very upset. "No, I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number."

"Fred?"

"No," I said. "This isn't Fred, you have the wrong number."

The old man, obviously upset, does not give up. "Fred, I need your help...I need a boost...My car's dead..." He's sighing heavily, and out of breath.

"Sir, this is not Fred, nor does this phone belong to Fred. You have the wrong number," I said, getting irritated. At this point, I wasn't sure if someone was prank-calling me, or if this old man was actually in trouble. It's around 9 a.m. on a Saturday, and I didn't think that any of my friends would take the time to prank call me at that hour. It was really bugging me though. I was torn between  hanging up, or helping this person. I was trying not to laugh. This person simply wouldn't listen to what I had to say. Honestly, I don't even sound like a Fred.

What made it awkward is the fact that this person wouldn't acknowledge they were wrong, and would not hang up. I sat there on the phone, wondering when the appropriate time was to hang up. I didn't want to be rude...but I was getting a little mad, that he wasn't listening.

I ended up just saying, "Okay sir, I'm sorry, but this is not Fred. I have to go nowwwww....(slowly taking phone away from my ear... looking at it...and...click.)"

Awkward. Sorry pal, hope you got a hold of Fred.

By the way, I am a fan of the occasional prank phone call. Here's one done by Adam Sandler.

Canada's moment to shine turns awkward

Did you watch the opening ceremonies last night?

There were fantastic moments, and the entire show was quite emotional, powerful and overall beautiful.

When Wayne Gretzky, Steve Nash, Nancy Greene Raine and Catriona LeMay Doan were set up to light the cauldron inside BC place, an awkward situation kicked in, while the world watched in confusion. These four, prime Canadian athletes were each supposed to light the columns that would in-turn, ignite the main torch, indoors. As they stood there with their torches lit, there was an awkward silence, when nothing was happening. They were just looking into the crowds, standing there, waiting. It was then, during the broadcast, when Brian Williams announced "it seems that there's a technical difficulty..."

From news section of the Official Vancouver 2010 iPhone App:

"The Ceremony suffered a technical hitch when only three of the four columns, designed to support the temporary cauldron inside BC Place, rose from the ground."

That left speed skater LeMay Doan, out of the loop. How awkward. What was going through their minds at that point? "Okay guys, who's sitting out on this one?" That must have been embarrassing for her. Not only that, but it seemed like everything else in the show went off without a hitch, and the most important moment presents itself, only to deflate before our eyes.

Unlike the fourth column, hopefully Canada will "rise to the occasion" as the games begin today.

Why me?

Who would have thought that these two items (olympic mittens and a motorized cart) would launch me into another awkward situation.
Well, it did.

I finally found the rare-to-find red olympic mittens, where the proceeds go towards athletes in the Vancouver 2010 olympics. Took me a while, but Zellers finally had some. The display was right as your walk in the door, kind of in the middle of the isle. As I said "Yay!"- in my head- I quickly walked over and started scoping them out.

I was trying them on, and looking for ones with the "best" stitch-work, walking around the carboard display. Crammed in between the isle, out of the corner of my eye, I notice a lady in a motorized cart approaching me. I tried to get out of the way... and she called out , "Uh, excuse me, miss?" I thought she was talking to me, and I did the quick turnaround to confirm, but she was talking to a woman that worked there. "Yes?" the employee said. "Could you help me? Do you know where the WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR ARE?" the lady on the cart said, in a rather loud voice.

Now, this woman, bless her soul, wasn't the most attractive in the world. She may have been about 60-70 years old. She must not have known it was innappropriate to shout that loudly. Regardless, the employee said she'd help the woman, and so she started to walk away in the right direction. Then the woman on the cart yelled out, "Wait! Wait! I've gotta turn this around a bit..." Her cart was in a diagonally position, not really straight down the aisle. So she started to back up. (Meanwhile, I'm still trying to find the right pair of mittens.)

Have you seen Austin Powers? The scene with the golf cart? Probably. Well, that's what proceeded to happen. Forward. Backward. Forward. Back-For-Back-Forward. Backward."Wait!" she yells again, even though the employee was still standing there waiting. All of a sudden, she kicks it into drive, hammers the gas and just completely smashes into the cardboard display of mittens that I'm trying to quietly pick through. "BAM!" Well, after I had a heart attack, I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed into my elbow-crease, as if I was coughing, and the woman says angrily, "This thing HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN!" That did me in. I quickly walked around to the other side of the display and looked at gloves there, so I could laugh in privacy.

I wasn't alone though, a man was on the other side, frantically digging through the popular, must-have MITTENS. He turns to me and says, "Hey, uhh, they don't have these in gloves, do they? Like, with fingers? Just these red mitts?"
I looked at him like he was stupid, because honestly, it was a stupid comment. Those mittens have been on TV since October, they've been seen everywhere on Canadians. "Uhh, no, just the red mittens," I said. Just then the lady must have straightened out her cart, because she shouted, "Okay! Now where are those underwear?"

It was just an awkward situation for me. You had to have been there. All I was thinking in my head while I was paying for the mitts was, "blog."
If you can't remember it, here's the scene from Austin Powers. Always a good laugh...

Speaking of awkward situations...

Introducing the iPad.


When I first saw the headlines for the new iPad, I knew that I would start seeing comedic interpretations. Couldn't they have chosen a better name? There are alreadys videos and mock-ads making fun of it. Look up MAD-TV's video of it, or just type in iPad and look what comes up.

Who is in charge of marketing? I love apple, but they dropped the ball on this one. Did they think ahead, to what people could turn this into? That my friends, is a corporate-awkward-situation.

I couldn't make this up if I tried...

This happened to me about two weeks ago. I still giggle when I think of it. Talk about awkward.

I went into a convenience store to pick up a few things. When I got in there, a guy and a girl were in front of me at the counter. It seemed that the guy was having a problem with his debit card. He gave up trying, and said he'd just go over and get some cash from the ATM. "Card NEVER works here, man," he growled.

So the girl was still at the counter, and at this point, I couldn't tell if they were together or not. Two more men entered the store and got in line behind me. The girl starts to pay for her items. As if to answer my question, the guy at the ATM comes back and asks the girl if she paid for his stuff too. She looks at him with dopey eyes and says, "Uhhh no, 'baby', did you want me to? Was I supposed to?" "Forget it," he says.

As I'm standing here with these other men behind me, I'm starting to tap my foot, unknowingly, and contemplating about leaving. Yes, apparently I don't like waiting for 40 seconds in line...who does?

But that's not the point. Here is the point. As I'm scoffing, something catches my eye near the ground. The girl at the counter (who was just paying) has her back to me. She's wearing a puffy, gold Baby Phat coat, tight black jeans and these weird black boots. But what caught my eye, was what was protruding my the bottom of her jeans and draping down her right boot. I had to do a double-take. Could it be? Yes.



It was a white (with checkerboard accents) THONG. This girl had a thong hanging out the bottom of her pants. You're kidding me. At first, I kind of choked on my own breath and just started coughing to cover it up. Then I'm half coughing/half laughing. Meanwhile, in my head I'm thinking of what I should do, and also, about how gross it is. I mean, how did that even happen? Did it get tangled up in the laundry? Was this girl and her boyfriend just... and then wanted to get snacks? I had so many questions.

Without thinking at first, I reached out and almost tapped her on the shoulder to point them out to her. But I didn't. I realized, that this guy who couldn't work a debit card, was probably her boyfriend. Then I realized, behind me were now 4 other guys. So, besides me and her, the rest of the people in there were men. I would be humiliated to have a girl point that out to me, in front of a bunch of onlookers. I figured it was probably best to just leave it be. I was damned if I told her, and damned if I didn't. What would you have done?

I decided to just leave her be, not draw attention to it, and spend the rest of the day wondering WHY someone's underpants would be hanging out like that.

Can you relate?


Here's a clip about underwear from my favourite TV show of all time...